Teaching manners is a delicate business; medical students are naturally suspicious of formulaic phrases. Early in medical school, I disliked how often doctors resorted to the phrase, “That must have been hard for you.” Then I was alone with a patient who told me his terrible story. Sadness washed over me. I didn’t know what to say, so I bleated, “That must have been hard for you.” To my surprise, the patient looked grateful. The more I used the phrase and ones like it, the more people seemed to feel relieved after talking to me. Eventually I even used the phrase with friends and family. And they started telling me that I was a good listener, which I’m afraid they’d never said before. Eventually, I even began to listen more closely.
